2009
Fake Twitter Bios Part 2: The Comma Persona Non Grata
(Go read Part 1: The Webocks)
The Dad:
“Father, husband, stamp collector, Buddhist, chronically impotent, passionate animal lover.”
The Mom:
“Mother of four, daughter, poet, gardener, drinker, crying masturbator, mixer of Kool-Aid, replacer of batteri— Oh Christ, how did peanut butter get up THERE?”
The Please Believe I’m Famous:
“Writer, speaker, serial entrepreneur, advocate for the creative spirit. Author of two books, loving husband, and all around nice guy.”
The Serial Comma Satirist:
“Father, mother, homosapien, block of cheddar, fifth item in this list, 8th level half elven druid, daughter of three, friend to the common muskrat, cosmic anomaly, and life coach.”
The “Photographer”:
No you’re not.
The Giant Nerd EXCEPT ON WEEKENDS!!!:
“Freelance AJAX guru, semantic web monkey, spinner of all things code, and naked rabid wombat skydiving enthusiast.”
The Goddamn “Foodie”:
“blah blah blah Foodie blah blah blah.”
The Why the Fuck Should I Care:
“Backgammon junkie and collector of fishing nets. I spend most of my time out on my deck, enjoying the sun. I have ten fingers.”
The “Freethinker”:
“Freethinking, left-leaning serial entrepreneur, philanthropist, husband, and dad. Did I mention I’m a goddamned Freethinker? Just LOOK at that word. FREE. THINKER. You just KNOW that’s gotta be a good thing to be.”
