2009
Fake Twitter Bios Part 4: Penultimatum
(Go read Part 3: The Meta Twits)
The Oh-So-Wacky Surrealist:
“It’s raining meatballs in my brain, and only the zombies can help. I’m not laughing WITH you, I’m laughing TYPEWRITER.”
The Religious Zealot:
Nevermind. Too easy.
The Unashamed Slut (Oh-But-With-a-Brain!):
“Geeked out party girl who can’t stop moving! Let’s talk about Heidegger while you look at my boobs!”
The Predictable Monty Python Fan:
Fuck that guy.
The Desk Drone Stereotype:
“Tweeting it up in Cyber Space and keepin’ it real, 9 to 5 every day.”
The Arbitrary Belittler:
“I will make you my bitch. Bow down before my awesomeness. Hopelessly smarter than you, and proving it every day, 140 characters at a time.”
The Mysteriously Reticent:
“…”
The Borderline Illiterate:
“heya TwEepz im here an playn gjimme sum lolzorz”
The Too Snarky For You:
“Whipsmart West Coaster, born with more attitude than the FDA daily recommended allowance, and then some.”
The “Accidentally” Oh-So-Erudite:
“Just another boring postgrad working on my dual PHD in English Lit and Theoretical Physics. Meh.”
The Feigned Humility:
“Life has taught me that questions matter more than answers.”
“Lover of life, good books, authentic Persian architecture, and loose leaf teas.”
“The best way to communicate is to listen. Help me let you help me let you listen to me helping you.”
“I see the beauty in everyone and every thing. Come be beautiful with me.”
The Shut the Fuck Up Already:
“Energetic technology enthusiast turned serial entrepreneur turned father turned husband turned African missionary, living it up, writing it down, and tweeting it out loud from my fingers to your brain in flaming hot 140 character bursts of inspiration, perspiration and techno-degradation smothered in 19th century wit and served up with 21st century style. Gimme a buzz on the Twit or hit me up old school at RandomRenaissanceMan2155 [at] Golly Gee Mail dot whoop there it is.”
